“Death Signed” Brief Explanation

So, yeah…

Death Signed” is about something I’m working through right now. I don’t want to tell any of my friends about it until it’s resolved, but it’s hard to keep this much upset inside.

Make sure to tell your friends/kids: find a person who thinks like you. Find a person who would never threaten you. Find a person who would never threaten with or joke about death. Suicide is serious. Death is serious. If the person you call a friend can’t respect what you call serious, get out and get away. They’re not a true friend and it’s not worth it to struggle, cry, lie, and cover up to please them. Being alone is never bad. It won’t last long. Trust me. But it’s better to be you and alone than to fake yourself and be surrounded by people. Always.

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Death Signed

At first it was great
Someone to talk to
Someone who listened
To listen to.
But that was at first.
When we weren’t together so much
Around as much
Friends as much.
Somewhere along the way,
Somehow one day,
You wanted more.
You wanted me as a friend
Best friend
Sister.
It was too much.
Being with you became too much.
No longer was it the slow approach
Of two different animals
Contemplating friendship.
It was a struggle each day
To smile genuinely.
I indulged you.
Like one would a child
Who holds a gun,
Trigger finger ready
Ready to shoot anyone
Everyone.
Now when I say it’s over
You turn the trigger
On yourself.
A warning to me.
To say that you own me?
Now I realize
You never knew me.
Because if you did,
You’d never
Threaten
Me
With
Death.

Soldier

Stoic
Tears running down my face
As I march past.
Forcing away emotions.
Alive,
Never living.
Ready to take the bullet
So that someone else can smile.
Biting my tongue,
Biting the bullet,
Biting the dust.
Fighting for others,
Never going to war
To keep what I want.
Giving in
To the sound of the bomb
Soaring above me
To me
At me.
I’m not a very good soldier.

Mirror

Mirror mirror
In the sea
What happened
To make me lose me?

Mirror mirror
Before my eyes
Is losing myself
A real prize?

I try to please
Everyone else
Forgetting that I matter too.
I stay silent,
Nod and smile,
Use fake emotions
To hide the screams inside.
Some might think
My pain ain’t real,
But they’ve never had
The still bleeding scars
That I feel.

Mirror mirror
Dying quick
Where was help
When I needed it?

I’m Back

Wow.

I just realized that the last time I made a substantial post was last November and my last poem was July.

I have been busy.

Rest assured, though, I will be back this year. See, I’m graduating next  year and the stress is starting to get to me. So my options are either to write or to go into the woods to scream for ten minutes (though that would be suspicious, too).