K.O.

Friendship means no less

No more

Over there, than on these shores

Where we fight a battle for brothers’ lives,

Sisters and wives.

Because as he opens his eyes wide,

Realizes,

He’s suffocating

Not from the depression he didn’t know he was harboring

But from the disease eating at his mind

The one he put there,

The one she was fed

The one that told them they couldn’t

When it was really that they shouldn’t.

So he takes the white cloud,

Puts a smokescreen in the air

To cover the fact that when they said he couldn’t

He just decided that he wouldn’t

Wouldn’t try

Try to be there for his daughter’s first birthday

Try to get his degree

Try to put himself on a pedestal so high

Where one could bring him down.

But he settled for less

Now he’s begging for more

More time

As she takes shot after shot

Raising her glass,

As they take shot after shot

Hearing the glass crash.

But every time he goes down

Every time failure is aimed his way

“Hands up, don’t shoot”

There’s always someone there

To lend a hand

To bite the bullet

Bring him back from the edge

To get him through it.

Those denizens of his life

The ones he thought were just passin’ through.

From ashes and dust

They built him up

Made him strong enough to stand

Look his fears in the eyes

And realize

That when they decided he couldn’t

He decided he wouldn’t.

He wouldn’t sit by and take the abuse

Conveniently forget and make an excuse.

He’d be his own man

Not what society built him to be

Because society made him of glass.

But friendship turned him to bricks of gold.

So

To the soldiers across the sea

Seeing friends die

Taking bullets

So we know how to be free

I salute you.

I thank you

For giving me the chance

To know how to be free

But to our brothers on this shore

Seeing friends die

Taking bullets and punches

So they can be free

I salute you, too.

I thank you

Because another one just got free.

Brown Neck Bottled Malt

​My brother tells me

“Don’t think about it too much.”

Yet I can only

Think about it again

And again

And again.

Think about how the words won’t flow,

Spill over the glass of my mouth

Onto the page,

Soaking in my heart along the way.

When I can feel my thoughts as my words,

As they flow down my agate skin onto my pen,

Some go unnoticed

In the desolate maelstrom of my mind,

Dismissed

Forgotten and lost to the empty void.

Yet it is this same void that inspires me,

Regurgitating the words I used to say aloud,

The words that slid down my glass neck,

Bitter as those that spoke them.

You stand proud with

Your unbreakable barrier,

Not sealed but

Empty.

And me, a

Bottled up brown neck

So full yet I can only barely

Stretch open my throat to give you these words.

I’m sorry

That you don’t understand me.

Don’t understand the pain I’m in,

The pressure that builds up from never speaking;

Glass cracking

But never breaking

Because I won’t let it.

Won’t let out the torrent of words

Even once.

Letting out a drop will open the rest

And I don’t know

If I’m strong enough to pull it back in.

So I’ll sit,

A bottled up brown neck

Sealed tight at the lips

Tapping on the lid

To keep out the bubbles

That threaten to break me.

Nashvillean Kisses Tea

Ingredients:

2 tbsps Brown Sugar (don’t go overboard)

1 1/2 tbsps Creamer (liquid form; if you don’t have any, you can use 1/2 a tsp of vanilla extract and 1 tsp milk)

1 Tea Bag (green tea works best in my opinion, but lemon grass and other ordinary teas are good, too)

1 Teacup of Water

1 Empty Mug (to transfer the tea to)

Any extra water needed to cool

1 tbsp Sweetened Condensed Milk <–Most Important Ingredient

Directions

  1. Mix the sugar, creamer, and condensed milk in the empty mug
  2. Warm the teacup of water until it’s relatively hot and add the tea bag
  3. Pour the tea and into the mug and mix thoroughly
  4. Add additional cold water to cool down if necessary

 

No More Girls

Dress on
Hair down
Good girl off.
Ready to shrug off hearts
Hand them to you by a string.
I’m finally growing
A young cub
Now a budding lioness
Ready to hunt.
No love-lorn looks
No more pining
Pouting
Waiting.
I don’t need your fake love,
Your fleeting affections,
Your pitying gazes.
I’ll go it alone
Proud,
Strong,
Confident.
I don’t need a man
To make me be a woman.

Soldier

Stoic
Tears running down my face
As I march past.
Forcing away emotions.
Alive,
Never living.
Ready to take the bullet
So that someone else can smile.
Biting my tongue,
Biting the bullet,
Biting the dust.
Fighting for others,
Never going to war
To keep what I want.
Giving in
To the sound of the bomb
Soaring above me
To me
At me.
I’m not a very good soldier.

Mirror

Mirror mirror
In the sea
What happened
To make me lose me?

Mirror mirror
Before my eyes
Is losing myself
A real prize?

I try to please
Everyone else
Forgetting that I matter too.
I stay silent,
Nod and smile,
Use fake emotions
To hide the screams inside.
Some might think
My pain ain’t real,
But they’ve never had
The still bleeding scars
That I feel.

Mirror mirror
Dying quick
Where was help
When I needed it?

I’m Back

Wow.

I just realized that the last time I made a substantial post was last November and my last poem was July.

I have been busy.

Rest assured, though, I will be back this year. See, I’m graduating next  year and the stress is starting to get to me. So my options are either to write or to go into the woods to scream for ten minutes (though that would be suspicious, too).

Tears in Life

[Song: Chasing the Sun by The Wanted]

They guide my fears
They watch my tear streaks.
For all our problems,
They always want to blame me.
A scapegoat,
Can’t escape the responsibility.
They never care
As long as they’re not scared, but me.

He doesn’t see others,
He only sees me.
He says that I’m the problem
But never that he hates me.
He claims love,
Yet always discriminates.
The youngest get his love,
The older are too late.

I never wished for much,
But can’t you see me?
Love has always meant so much
To me.
I’ll always love you,
As you can see.
But I don’t think you’re good for me.

I love you, Daddy, but I can’t be near you anymore.

I love you family, but I see that I’ll never truly have your support.

I’ll drift along alone, looking for that special one.

And maybe then I will see the real sun.

Ave Atque Vale.