Letting Go

Stab me again and again

But can’t let go

—Or won’t, whichever—

Heart still hanging on

Lips now turning blue

If I could only

Let go of the chains

And

Save me.

Too late now

Can’t breathe anymore

Can’t hold on no more

If I land on the floor

I’ll be all right.

If I’m too late,

Too stuck,

I’ll land on the rocks

And break again.

I’m not letting go

But it does seem that I’m slipping out.

No More Girls

Dress on
Hair down
Good girl off.
Ready to shrug off hearts
Hand them to you by a string.
I’m finally growing
A young cub
Now a budding lioness
Ready to hunt.
No love-lorn looks
No more pining
Pouting
Waiting.
I don’t need your fake love,
Your fleeting affections,
Your pitying gazes.
I’ll go it alone
Proud,
Strong,
Confident.
I don’t need a man
To make me be a woman.

Soldier

Stoic
Tears running down my face
As I march past.
Forcing away emotions.
Alive,
Never living.
Ready to take the bullet
So that someone else can smile.
Biting my tongue,
Biting the bullet,
Biting the dust.
Fighting for others,
Never going to war
To keep what I want.
Giving in
To the sound of the bomb
Soaring above me
To me
At me.
I’m not a very good soldier.

Mirror

Mirror mirror
In the sea
What happened
To make me lose me?

Mirror mirror
Before my eyes
Is losing myself
A real prize?

I try to please
Everyone else
Forgetting that I matter too.
I stay silent,
Nod and smile,
Use fake emotions
To hide the screams inside.
Some might think
My pain ain’t real,
But they’ve never had
The still bleeding scars
That I feel.

Mirror mirror
Dying quick
Where was help
When I needed it?

Tears in Life

[Song: Chasing the Sun by The Wanted]

They guide my fears
They watch my tear streaks.
For all our problems,
They always want to blame me.
A scapegoat,
Can’t escape the responsibility.
They never care
As long as they’re not scared, but me.

He doesn’t see others,
He only sees me.
He says that I’m the problem
But never that he hates me.
He claims love,
Yet always discriminates.
The youngest get his love,
The older are too late.

I never wished for much,
But can’t you see me?
Love has always meant so much
To me.
I’ll always love you,
As you can see.
But I don’t think you’re good for me.

I love you, Daddy, but I can’t be near you anymore.

I love you family, but I see that I’ll never truly have your support.

I’ll drift along alone, looking for that special one.

And maybe then I will see the real sun.

Ave Atque Vale.

The Life of Me

I once thought that I was a nomadic/hermit type person. I don’t particularly enjoy human interaction. I hate being around disrespectful people.

But I’ve realized something.

My dad just told me that I can’t go out and hang with my friends or go to dances. I’ve been to one dance. All of this because I made a mistake with scheduling my pick-up from the movies. My dad wants to make me alone because he thinks that I don’t value God enough. Truth: God is the most important figure in my life. More important than my dad. I don’t know if Dad knows this. I hope he does soon because I’m done. I’m getting through high school and college, and then I’m never coming back to my parents. I love them with my whole heart, but I hate neing alone and neither of my parents understand me at all. My mom is better about it, but my dad is just outright inconsiderate. He acts rashly and doesn’t consider the feelings of the other party when making decisions.

So I’ll stay locked up in my room for two years. I won’t leave it. Because this is basically what my dad wanted. He just didn’t realize that. But I’m not going to be his little puppet after that.

I can’t be alone. So I won’t.

Boredom is a disease.
Zaniness is the cure.

Password to Song Post

So I wrote a song called Beautiful Grace. I put a password on ot to avoid plagirism. Only those who’ve read my recent poems could guess the answer to my question that is the password:
What did I say that I hide my pain and fear in? (plural; two words; no spacing)

Álainn

Alone in a Crowd

Scanning the crowd
No familiar faces.
A world of color shifts to greys.
The lights flicker
Even as they shine brightly.
Even with so many,
The room feels empty.
The loneliness is stifling.
So I drift off
Into my mind
Into the fantasies.
No one watches me
So no one knows.
Knows how brilliant I was
How brilliant I am
How brilliant I could be.
If only they noticed me.

Álainn

102 Books to Read: My Recommendations [Part I]

[Song: Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson]

WARNING: These books are not listed in a specific order, are based wholely and solely on my opinion of good books, and have been proven to cause extreme fangirl reactions (i.e. tears, screaming, obssessing over characters, staying awake late at night, talking to oneself, etc.)

1] Dare You To by Katie McGarry

2] Fifth Grave Past the Light by Darynda Jones

3] On Dublin Street by Samantha Young

4] Resisting Her by Kendall Ryan

5] All the Right Reasons by Sandy James

6] City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare