Left Eye was my musical inspiration. I didn’t try to copy her style, but her tough as nails, “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” style made me rethink my inspirations for my music, writing, and poetry.
Stab me again and again
But can’t let go
—Or won’t, whichever—
Heart still hanging on
Lips now turning blue
If I could only
Let go of the chains
Too late now
Can’t breathe anymore
Can’t hold on no more
If I land on the floor
I’ll be all right.
If I’m too late,
I’ll land on the rocks
And break again.
I’m not letting go
But it does seem that I’m slipping out.
“Death Signed” is about something I’m working through right now. I don’t want to tell any of my friends about it until it’s resolved, but it’s hard to keep this much upset inside.
Make sure to tell your friends/kids: find a person who thinks like you. Find a person who would never threaten you. Find a person who would never threaten with or joke about death. Suicide is serious. Death is serious. If the person you call a friend can’t respect what you call serious, get out and get away. They’re not a true friend and it’s not worth it to struggle, cry, lie, and cover up to please them. Being alone is never bad. It won’t last long. Trust me. But it’s better to be you and alone than to fake yourself and be surrounded by people. Always.
At first it was great
Someone to talk to
Someone who listened
To listen to.
But that was at first.
When we weren’t together so much
Around as much
Friends as much.
Somewhere along the way,
Somehow one day,
You wanted more.
You wanted me as a friend
It was too much.
Being with you became too much.
No longer was it the slow approach
Of two different animals
It was a struggle each day
To smile genuinely.
I indulged you.
Like one would a child
Who holds a gun,
Trigger finger ready
Ready to shoot anyone
Now when I say it’s over
You turn the trigger
A warning to me.
To say that you own me?
Now I realize
You never knew me.
Because if you did,
[Song: Chasing the Sun by The Wanted]
They guide my fears
They watch my tear streaks.
For all our problems,
They always want to blame me.
Can’t escape the responsibility.
They never care
As long as they’re not scared, but me.
He doesn’t see others,
He only sees me.
He says that I’m the problem
But never that he hates me.
He claims love,
Yet always discriminates.
The youngest get his love,
The older are too late.
I never wished for much,
But can’t you see me?
Love has always meant so much
I’ll always love you,
As you can see.
But I don’t think you’re good for me.
I love you, Daddy, but I can’t be near you anymore.
I love you family, but I see that I’ll never truly have your support.
I’ll drift along alone, looking for that special one.
And maybe then I will see the real sun.
Ave Atque Vale.
I once thought that I was a nomadic/hermit type person. I don’t particularly enjoy human interaction. I hate being around disrespectful people.
But I’ve realized something.
My dad just told me that I can’t go out and hang with my friends or go to dances. I’ve been to one dance. All of this because I made a mistake with scheduling my pick-up from the movies. My dad wants to make me alone because he thinks that I don’t value God enough. Truth: God is the most important figure in my life. More important than my dad. I don’t know if Dad knows this. I hope he does soon because I’m done. I’m getting through high school and college, and then I’m never coming back to my parents. I love them with my whole heart, but I hate neing alone and neither of my parents understand me at all. My mom is better about it, but my dad is just outright inconsiderate. He acts rashly and doesn’t consider the feelings of the other party when making decisions.
So I’ll stay locked up in my room for two years. I won’t leave it. Because this is basically what my dad wanted. He just didn’t realize that. But I’m not going to be his little puppet after that.
I can’t be alone. So I won’t.
Boredom is a disease.
Zaniness is the cure.
I’m learning that even when you are absolutely, 100% sure about your future…
Life is going to hit you with a curveball.
It all started with the Mayor’s Scholars Academy here in Nashville. I wasn’t too pepped to go. I originally thought that it would be parctically summer school. (It’s really not.) The first day, the two junior groups got together for College Connections. I hadn’t really payed attention to anyone because I hadn’t known anyone. That was, until they made us do introductions. And guess who was there that I’d never thought I’d see again?
My fourth grade crush.
And these past two weeks, after him saying he remembered me and obsessing over that, I’ve been kind of torn. I genuinely still like him, but I still like another guy that I’ve gone to school with since fifth grade. See my dilemma? No? That’s fine. I’ll just obsess over it alone.
Furthermore, their College Connections class has gotten me thinking more about college. I am not completely solid on my career path, but I think what I want right now is to major in psychology and go through the whole shebang for it and then have a minor in dentistry and maybe take another couple of years for that.
The future seems a bit scary, but I’m just going to take it a step at a time for now.
Ave Atque Vale.
Black for hunting through the night
For death and mourning the color’s white
Gold for a bride in her wedding gown
And red to call enchantment down.
White silk when our bodies burn,
Blue banners when the lost return.
Flame for the birth of a Nephilim,
And to wash away our sins.
Gray for knowledge best untold,
Bone for those who don’t grow old.
Saffron lights the victory march,
Green will mend our broken hearts.
Silver for the demon towers,
And bronze to summon wicked powers.
— Shadowhunter children’s rhyme
So I wrote a song called Beautiful Grace. I put a password on ot to avoid plagirism. Only those who’ve read my recent poems could guess the answer to my question that is the password:
What did I say that I hide my pain and fear in? (plural; two words; no spacing)