Tears in Life

[Song: Chasing the Sun by The Wanted]

They guide my fears
They watch my tear streaks.
For all our problems,
They always want to blame me.
A scapegoat,
Can’t escape the responsibility.
They never care
As long as they’re not scared, but me.

He doesn’t see others,
He only sees me.
He says that I’m the problem
But never that he hates me.
He claims love,
Yet always discriminates.
The youngest get his love,
The older are too late.

I never wished for much,
But can’t you see me?
Love has always meant so much
To me.
I’ll always love you,
As you can see.
But I don’t think you’re good for me.

I love you, Daddy, but I can’t be near you anymore.

I love you family, but I see that I’ll never truly have your support.

I’ll drift along alone, looking for that special one.

And maybe then I will see the real sun.

Ave Atque Vale.

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Growing Up

I’m learning that even when you are absolutely, 100% sure about your future…

Life is going to hit you with a curveball.

It all started with the Mayor’s Scholars Academy here in Nashville. I wasn’t too pepped to go. I originally thought that it would be parctically summer school. (It’s really not.) The first day, the two junior groups got together for College Connections. I hadn’t really payed attention to anyone because I hadn’t known anyone. That was, until they made us do introductions. And guess who was there that I’d never thought I’d see again?

My fourth grade crush.

And these past two weeks, after him saying he remembered me and obsessing over that, I’ve been kind of torn. I genuinely still like him, but I still like another guy that I’ve gone to school with since fifth grade. See my dilemma? No? That’s fine. I’ll just obsess over it alone.

Furthermore, their College Connections class has gotten me thinking more about college. I am not completely solid on my career path, but I think what I want right now is to major in psychology and go through the whole shebang for it and then have a minor in dentistry and maybe take another couple of years for that.

The future seems a bit scary, but I’m just going to take it a step at a time for now.

Ave Atque Vale.

Alone in a Crowd

Scanning the crowd
No familiar faces.
A world of color shifts to greys.
The lights flicker
Even as they shine brightly.
Even with so many,
The room feels empty.
The loneliness is stifling.
So I drift off
Into my mind
Into the fantasies.
No one watches me
So no one knows.
Knows how brilliant I was
How brilliant I am
How brilliant I could be.
If only they noticed me.

Álainn

102 Books to Read: My Recommendations [Part I]

[Song: Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson]

WARNING: These books are not listed in a specific order, are based wholely and solely on my opinion of good books, and have been proven to cause extreme fangirl reactions (i.e. tears, screaming, obssessing over characters, staying awake late at night, talking to oneself, etc.)

1] Dare You To by Katie McGarry

2] Fifth Grave Past the Light by Darynda Jones

3] On Dublin Street by Samantha Young

4] Resisting Her by Kendall Ryan

5] All the Right Reasons by Sandy James

6] City of Heavenly Fire by Cassandra Clare

Fears of a Lonely Child.

Clawing at my throat
Dangling by the chains that I swallowed to hide.
The fear.
Fear that everything bad thing I imagined will be true.
Fear that every amazing outcome is possible.
Fear of my dreams-my thoughts-my hopes.
So I take that fear
I hide it in a cupboard.
The cupboard is every fake laugh
Every fake smile
Every groan during the during the day
And every illusion during my insomnia nights.
My fears control me.
And that is the only thing that I’ll ever hate.

Good Future/Beautiful

Aside

Eyes of jaded sparkling gold;
A smile of melted silver;
Hair that reminds me of a breeze stirring the great oak;
A laugh that draws me in like a siren in the sea;
A presence like a best friend;
A crowd like a celebrity;
A personality like my fiction heroes—
You pull me to you like a magnet.
Yet when our eyes meet
I look away.
I speak to you in my thoughts.
Oh, how many times I’ve sighed when you call my name.

A Poem from the Heart

Hot Guys

Top 5 Hot Guys List (My POV):

1) Jaime Campbell Bower [especially as Jace in The Mortal Instruments]

2) Zac Efron

3) Tom Hiddleston [especially as Loki in The Avengers]

4) Johnny Depp[he’s just plain good-looking]

5) My crush [of course he made this list!]

Birthday

[Song: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson]

Fifteen years ago on this day, a little girl was born.
She started out innocent and sweet. She found a love for books, fantasy, and romance. She learned about loyalty and perserverance. She learned to trust God in all things. She felt invincible, but, slowly, life caught up to her.
She felt out of place at school: her weight, her style, her accent. She fell for guys a lot (foolishly), made a lot of mistakes, and became a hollow shell. Bleak, dejected, and broken.
Fifteen years ago, that girl wasn’t broken.
Fifteen years ago, that girl was me.

Today, that girl knows that love is truly awesome and awaits her day to walk down the aisle. She tries harder to accept herself and chooses to ignore the judgements of others. She remembers the importance of friends and family. She never lost her love of books, fantasy, or romance. She has a dream to become an author whose books people will fangirl and threaten her over. Because it shows they care. None of this is to say that girl isn’t broken anymore. She still is. But she tries. That girl still craves the attention that her old boyfriends gave her, but she’s willing to wait.

Today, that girl soars.
Today, that girl is me.

Christmas or Yuletide?

It is common knowledge that Christmas was placed at the end of the year by the Catholic church to continue the tradition if Yuletide celebrations (Jesus was really born in the spring). So why is it that Christmas seems more pagan with each passing year? Christmas has now become known as shopping, presents, and parties season in the States. Yet when Thanksgiving rolled around, people don’t know what to be thankful for. How about being thankful dor that huge meal you ate then, huh? There are people starving out there whom you could take in for one day if the season. Nothing big, just feeding them and getting them some warm clothes. Not too hard, right?
THINK ABOUT IT THIS SEASON

Still a multipersonalitied weirdo

My erratic semester

Hi again. Sorry that I’ve been MIA for a few months. It’s just that sophomore year has kept me on my toes. Where do I even start with this….
·Well, I have two classes with the guy I like. I never thought that a crush would ruin my life, but it has. I’m naturally weird around guys and he makes me even weirder. To the point that I stop breathing around him.
· I’m excitedly awaiting the release of the second Mortal Instruments movie, City of Ashes. Contrary to previous beliefs, they are continuing the series. I mean,
why wouldn’t they? They left off City of Bones with Jace and Clary as siblings. Talk about a torturous ending. [I think that it would’ve been cool to make the Mortal Instruments books and Cassandra Clare’s other books into TV series]
·I’m on Homecoming Court! At my school, we have a whole seperate assembly where the different grade courts do seperate dances (seniors also add in skits). Us sophomores are doing the swing to “All About that Bass” by Megan Trainor. Girls had to get royal blue dresses (freshmen: black dresses; no junior court; seniors: white dresses). Went on a whole mall trip with my gal pals to find the perfect dress and shoes. I even met my low budget (thanks to Mum. Love ya <3)
image

Gonna look fab in my dress. I might or might not upload q pucture of me in it later