Savoring

As I lie here typing, I savor the final hours before I decide whether or not I need to move out of the country.

I’m very much perplexed by how America has turned from a “vote for the best candidate” Democracy to a “vote for the person least like the one I hate, and, oh, btw, they have to be in one of these two political parties” Democracy.

I was inspired to write this when a friend of mine answered one of my comments to her post supporting Trump like this:

screenshot-18

I’m sorry, what? Why?

Voting for president is supposed to be a step taken towards progress. After four years of watching the country decline and begin to turn on itself, I was hoping that the new president would be someone who I could take seriously and who would take all the issues seriously. Instead, we have Mrs. Clinton who looks down on all others and looks out for numero uno, and Mr. Trump who might have good intentions, but his pride disable him from taking the right action. I mean, come on people! The WikiLeaks of Clinton’s emails should be enough to discourage anyone from voting for her. And Trump’s supporters’ Purge-like mindset sometimes worries me more than he does, never mind the fact that he can’t seem to remember the fact that all he says is recorded so people notice when he changes his stances around. The man has hidden intentions! Also, does no one else know that there is a petition to keep him out of the UN? I’d sign it in a heart-beat because I feel like he could start an unnecessary war with anyone by opening his big, tactless mouth.

Let’s not even get into the fact that Trump actually supported Clinton before all this: “Donald Trump jumped into the crowded and rowdy Republican presidential field on Tuesday, but the business magnate has astutely played both sides of the aisle for years, and has been especially cozy — financially and personally — with Hillary Clinton.

Clinton, the Democratic front-runner and former New York senator who had some say over policy that could have impacted Trump’s vast business dealings, received donations from both him and son Donald Trump Jr. on separate occasions in 2002, 2005, 2006 and 2007, according to state and federal disclosure records.” (Politico)

I know Hillary, and I think she’d make a great President.” – Donald Trump, 2008 (Huffington Post)”

Furthermore, neither seem to be too concerned about issues that need to be addressed now: the Keystone XL Pipeline for one. I’ve seen countless videos on Facebook about it over the weeks and my heart goes out to all the Native Americans fighting for what is rightfully theirs. The comments I found from the two candidates concerning this issue date back to 2012/2013 (Trump) and September of last year (Clinton). And according to Grist, Clinton has been avoiding the issue for years: “When asked about her views on Keystone at a New Hampshire event earlier this month, she said, “If it is undecided when I become president, I will answer your question.” So there.” However, she apparently took a stand a month after that (September 2015) saying she was against it. Trump was obviously for it, back in January 2012: “Trump called President Barack Obama‘s rejection of the Keystone XL pipeline “disgraceful.” Trump added, “Frankly, we don’t need Canada. We should just be able to drill our own oil. As long as it’s there we certainly should have approved it. It was jobs and cheaper oil.”” However, what does he think now?

Honestly, watching these two’s debates is like watching two spoiled four-year-olds go at it. Why have we put ourselves through over a year of this hubris-fueled malarkey?

The real question: why is everyone so adverse to voting third-party?!

In an attempt to answer my own question, I asked Google. While one source I found encouraged third-party voters to vote for Clinton (“I support third parties and have voted for a few. But this is not the election to cast a presidential vote that way… A swing of even 1-2 percent of third party voters to Trump or Clinton may decide the election.“Huffinton Post) another (Free Press) encouraged third-party voters to stand by their beliefs, saying that when you take the defensive vote and choose the lesser of two evils, you are making yourself a “political prostitute.”

The lesser of two evils is still evil. Furthermore, we don’t know which of these two is really less evil. I’m a Christian, so I’m usually automatically with anyone who is Pro-Life, given that their other principles are similar to mine. Usually that person is a Republican. But please don’t misunderstand. I don’t associate with any particular party. Each candidate associates with a party, but they are not that party. Exhibit A: Trump. The Republican politicians do not fully support him. They probably think he’s mad. They’re probably not wrong.

Unfortunately, I’m too young to cast a vote. Just as unfortunate, it’s the few hours of voting, so maybe this whole spiel is lost on all of you. But I think this is will help someone out there make an informed, independent decision.

“Death Signed” Brief Explanation

So, yeah…

Death Signed” is about something I’m working through right now. I don’t want to tell any of my friends about it until it’s resolved, but it’s hard to keep this much upset inside.

Make sure to tell your friends/kids: find a person who thinks like you. Find a person who would never threaten you. Find a person who would never threaten with or joke about death. Suicide is serious. Death is serious. If the person you call a friend can’t respect what you call serious, get out and get away. They’re not a true friend and it’s not worth it to struggle, cry, lie, and cover up to please them. Being alone is never bad. It won’t last long. Trust me. But it’s better to be you and alone than to fake yourself and be surrounded by people. Always.

Soldier

Stoic
Tears running down my face
As I march past.
Forcing away emotions.
Alive,
Never living.
Ready to take the bullet
So that someone else can smile.
Biting my tongue,
Biting the bullet,
Biting the dust.
Fighting for others,
Never going to war
To keep what I want.
Giving in
To the sound of the bomb
Soaring above me
To me
At me.
I’m not a very good soldier.

Tears in Life

[Song: Chasing the Sun by The Wanted]

They guide my fears
They watch my tear streaks.
For all our problems,
They always want to blame me.
A scapegoat,
Can’t escape the responsibility.
They never care
As long as they’re not scared, but me.

He doesn’t see others,
He only sees me.
He says that I’m the problem
But never that he hates me.
He claims love,
Yet always discriminates.
The youngest get his love,
The older are too late.

I never wished for much,
But can’t you see me?
Love has always meant so much
To me.
I’ll always love you,
As you can see.
But I don’t think you’re good for me.

I love you, Daddy, but I can’t be near you anymore.

I love you family, but I see that I’ll never truly have your support.

I’ll drift along alone, looking for that special one.

And maybe then I will see the real sun.

Ave Atque Vale.

The Life of Me

I once thought that I was a nomadic/hermit type person. I don’t particularly enjoy human interaction. I hate being around disrespectful people.

But I’ve realized something.

My dad just told me that I can’t go out and hang with my friends or go to dances. I’ve been to one dance. All of this because I made a mistake with scheduling my pick-up from the movies. My dad wants to make me alone because he thinks that I don’t value God enough. Truth: God is the most important figure in my life. More important than my dad. I don’t know if Dad knows this. I hope he does soon because I’m done. I’m getting through high school and college, and then I’m never coming back to my parents. I love them with my whole heart, but I hate neing alone and neither of my parents understand me at all. My mom is better about it, but my dad is just outright inconsiderate. He acts rashly and doesn’t consider the feelings of the other party when making decisions.

So I’ll stay locked up in my room for two years. I won’t leave it. Because this is basically what my dad wanted. He just didn’t realize that. But I’m not going to be his little puppet after that.

I can’t be alone. So I won’t.

Boredom is a disease.
Zaniness is the cure.

Aside

So there I was in church yesterday. The Nigerian Catholic Community was doing a joint mass with the American community of one of the churches I attend.

The choir was a combination of Nigerians and caucasians and so are the songs. And there I was dreading how people might have started insulting my people’s music or saying that it didn’t seem appropriate for church. One of the ladies just turned to me from the choir stand while listening to my mom sing and smiles at me. And I had an epiphany.

Many stereotypes still exist because we expect them to. Black people expect others to downgrade them in society and underestimate their capabilities. They expect to be looked down on, so that inevitably occurs. We expect these circumstances, so we don’t always try to do our best or to overcome racism or stereotyping. Looking at some of my black friends, I think that we’re trying our best to make ourselves what we want to be. But then I look at black kids from other schools: some are doing drugs, others are getting drunk, and others act deplorably.
It makes me so disappointed in us as a race that we teens are acting this way and many parents allow it, yet we get upset when policemen do their duty. Granted, there are some who step out of line and abuse the power given to them. However, many just wish to be upstanding citizens and enforce the law so that others will be, too. I don’t believe that all policemen should be terrorized for the mistakes of the few, especially since we ourselves are doing so little to avoid the incidents from occurring.

It’s parents’ jobs first and foremost to be policemen and to keep their children from committing acts that will get them in trouble with the law. It’s our job as a race to do everything right in order to create racial equality. It’s our job as a people to not complain over our little hardships when others in this same great country suffer more. It’s our jobs to work for what we get and to take responsibility for our mistakes in life. It is not a right to have what we have; it is a privalege and an honor that we must respect.

Before we talk about equality for the people we need to better the quality of the people.

Boredom is a disease.
Zaniness is the cure.

Stereotypes begin at Home

Catholicism in my Life

I was listening to the radio today, and one women was commenting on how apalled she was that anyone could call themselves a born again Christian and be Catholic. Now, I’m not sure what others might say about their beliefs, but I’m a Catholic firstly because I was born into it. Secondly because I’m Nigerian and we are intense in our faith. Thirdly, I’m Catholic because God put me in this position. If God tells me to move to a different denomination, I’ll do that. I follow God, not the judgement of man. Furthermore, if you haven’t ever been Catholic, you might not understand all of their doctrines. Granted, I also have my skepticisms, but again, I follow the word and teachings of God. I won’t act on what I don’t believe. However, saying that you’re apalled at Catholics and condemning them doesn’t make you a better person. It makes you about as bad as terrorists who say that if you don’t follow their beliefs, you deserve to die.

I don’t encourage judgemental behavior. I am pretty mellow about others’ beliefs and lifestyles because it’s basically not my place to judge. It’s God’s. Any negative feelings I have for another will affect how people view me and how I view myself. So I won’t encourage something that is against my faith, but, because I don’t know the mind of God, I can’t condemn it either. Since no one can read the mind if God, no one can say what is really wrong or right.

Álainn

Me

[Song: Because of You by Kelly Clarkson]
When I started trying to write about myself, the song Because of You started playing through my head—loudly. I’ll admit, I’ve seen some things and experienced others that make me hesitant to give myself away—heart, thoughts, or feelings. So I decided to use the song for my next “Different Kind of Poetry” poem.

[Because of Me]
I lose my way
I’ve always been lost
And it’s not too long before you point it out
You find me, mockery in your eyes
I cannot cry
My tears dried up long ago
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I am not strong, yet I still stand tall and proud
I’m forced to fake
I wish reality was a lie
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
I hide my laughter behind fake laughter
My heart can’t possibly break
You shattered my heart beyond breaking
When it wasn’t even whole to start with
It was never yours to break.

Twelve AM

This just in: 12:00 AM rambling is not a myth.
New fact about me: when I stay up for twenty-four hours straight, I start talking out loud. Want to interrogate me? Just keep me up all day and night watching a Korean/Japaneae drama.

Álainn