Left Eye was my musical inspiration. I didn’t try to copy her style, but her tough as nails, “float like a butterfly, sting like a bee” style made me rethink my inspirations for my music, writing, and poetry.
[Song: Chasing the Sun by The Wanted]
They guide my fears
They watch my tear streaks.
For all our problems,
They always want to blame me.
Can’t escape the responsibility.
They never care
As long as they’re not scared, but me.
He doesn’t see others,
He only sees me.
He says that I’m the problem
But never that he hates me.
He claims love,
Yet always discriminates.
The youngest get his love,
The older are too late.
I never wished for much,
But can’t you see me?
Love has always meant so much
I’ll always love you,
As you can see.
But I don’t think you’re good for me.
I love you, Daddy, but I can’t be near you anymore.
I love you family, but I see that I’ll never truly have your support.
I’ll drift along alone, looking for that special one.
And maybe then I will see the real sun.
Ave Atque Vale.
I’m learning that even when you are absolutely, 100% sure about your future…
Life is going to hit you with a curveball.
It all started with the Mayor’s Scholars Academy here in Nashville. I wasn’t too pepped to go. I originally thought that it would be parctically summer school. (It’s really not.) The first day, the two junior groups got together for College Connections. I hadn’t really payed attention to anyone because I hadn’t known anyone. That was, until they made us do introductions. And guess who was there that I’d never thought I’d see again?
My fourth grade crush.
And these past two weeks, after him saying he remembered me and obsessing over that, I’ve been kind of torn. I genuinely still like him, but I still like another guy that I’ve gone to school with since fifth grade. See my dilemma? No? That’s fine. I’ll just obsess over it alone.
Furthermore, their College Connections class has gotten me thinking more about college. I am not completely solid on my career path, but I think what I want right now is to major in psychology and go through the whole shebang for it and then have a minor in dentistry and maybe take another couple of years for that.
The future seems a bit scary, but I’m just going to take it a step at a time for now.
Ave Atque Vale.
I was listening to the radio today, and one women was commenting on how apalled she was that anyone could call themselves a born again Christian and be Catholic. Now, I’m not sure what others might say about their beliefs, but I’m a Catholic firstly because I was born into it. Secondly because I’m Nigerian and we are intense in our faith. Thirdly, I’m Catholic because God put me in this position. If God tells me to move to a different denomination, I’ll do that. I follow God, not the judgement of man. Furthermore, if you haven’t ever been Catholic, you might not understand all of their doctrines. Granted, I also have my skepticisms, but again, I follow the word and teachings of God. I won’t act on what I don’t believe. However, saying that you’re apalled at Catholics and condemning them doesn’t make you a better person. It makes you about as bad as terrorists who say that if you don’t follow their beliefs, you deserve to die.
I don’t encourage judgemental behavior. I am pretty mellow about others’ beliefs and lifestyles because it’s basically not my place to judge. It’s God’s. Any negative feelings I have for another will affect how people view me and how I view myself. So I won’t encourage something that is against my faith, but, because I don’t know the mind of God, I can’t condemn it either. Since no one can read the mind if God, no one can say what is really wrong or right.
Clawing at my throat
Dangling by the chains that I swallowed to hide.
Fear that everything bad thing I imagined will be true.
Fear that every amazing outcome is possible.
Fear of my dreams-my thoughts-my hopes.
So I take that fear
I hide it in a cupboard.
The cupboard is every fake laugh
Every fake smile
Every groan during the during the day
And every illusion during my insomnia nights.
My fears control me.
And that is the only thing that I’ll ever hate.
[Song taken from: Lose my Soul by Toby Mac]
The paparazzi flashes,
I’m scared of the dark,
And that they think that it’s you,
But you’d never know.
But they don’t know that who you are is not what you do,
I am intelligent, but I’m so much more than a smart mind
True, we get it twisted when we peak at the charts,
Society warps me into a different person than I was before
Yo before we part from the start,
Where’s your heart?
You a pimp, hustler? Tell me what’s your title,
Your title holds no value to me. I make my own name and won’t answer to yours.
America has no more stars,
Those stars that I made wishes on, leaned on for strength,
Now we call them idols,
Now they’re tools to chisel away at me, the real me.
You sit idle,
I don’t want to be a bystander,
While we teach prosperity,
Watching while the morals our country was built on get brainwashed away,
The first thing to prosper should be inside of me.
I want to be my own hero.
[Why do I always end up on this topic?!]
I am freaking out.
I revently had a dream about the person I like. The week before and a while back I’d also dreamed about him, although I can’t remember those dreams now. And last semester I had a really vivid dream where he saved me from falling from one of those climbing ropes (weird, right? I was exercising!). I called him a cutie in the dream which is what my brain and heart practically scream at me whenever I see him even though a better description would be charming or hot. Anyways, I was just freaked out because I’ve never dreamed about one person more than three times before. Except my family, but that explains itself.
[Song: Uptown Funk by Mark Ronson]
Fifteen years ago on this day, a little girl was born.
She started out innocent and sweet. She found a love for books, fantasy, and romance. She learned about loyalty and perserverance. She learned to trust God in all things. She felt invincible, but, slowly, life caught up to her.
She felt out of place at school: her weight, her style, her accent. She fell for guys a lot (foolishly), made a lot of mistakes, and became a hollow shell. Bleak, dejected, and broken.
Fifteen years ago, that girl wasn’t broken.
Fifteen years ago, that girl was me.
Today, that girl knows that love is truly awesome and awaits her day to walk down the aisle. She tries harder to accept herself and chooses to ignore the judgements of others. She remembers the importance of friends and family. She never lost her love of books, fantasy, or romance. She has a dream to become an author whose books people will fangirl and threaten her over. Because it shows they care. None of this is to say that girl isn’t broken anymore. She still is. But she tries. That girl still craves the attention that her old boyfriends gave her, but she’s willing to wait.
Today, that girl soars.
Today, that girl is me.
It is common knowledge that Christmas was placed at the end of the year by the Catholic church to continue the tradition if Yuletide celebrations (Jesus was really born in the spring). So why is it that Christmas seems more pagan with each passing year? Christmas has now become known as shopping, presents, and parties season in the States. Yet when Thanksgiving rolled around, people don’t know what to be thankful for. How about being thankful dor that huge meal you ate then, huh? There are people starving out there whom you could take in for one day if the season. Nothing big, just feeding them and getting them some warm clothes. Not too hard, right?
THINK ABOUT IT THIS SEASON
Still a multipersonalitied weirdo
Hi again. Sorry that I’ve been MIA for a few months. It’s just that sophomore year has kept me on my toes. Where do I even start with this….
·Well, I have two classes with the guy I like. I never thought that a crush would ruin my life, but it has. I’m naturally weird around guys and he makes me even weirder. To the point that I stop breathing around him.
· I’m excitedly awaiting the release of the second Mortal Instruments movie, City of Ashes. Contrary to previous beliefs, they are continuing the series. I mean,
why wouldn’t they? They left off City of Bones with Jace and Clary as siblings. Talk about a torturous ending. [I think that it would’ve been cool to make the Mortal Instruments books and Cassandra Clare’s other books into TV series]
·I’m on Homecoming Court! At my school, we have a whole seperate assembly where the different grade courts do seperate dances (seniors also add in skits). Us sophomores are doing the swing to “All About that Bass” by Megan Trainor. Girls had to get royal blue dresses (freshmen: black dresses; no junior court; seniors: white dresses). Went on a whole mall trip with my gal pals to find the perfect dress and shoes. I even met my low budget (thanks to Mum. Love ya <3)
Gonna look fab in my dress. I might or might not upload q pucture of me in it later